Water retention and picking a healthy LTG

Ugh. The scale was so great and was down to 162.6. Awesome, I thought. I can make it to the 150's in the next week or so. Uh, nope. My stupid period started. It's been all jacked up since Nora was born. And I definitely retain water around my period now. So it showed up and the scale went back up to 165. Three days later and it's down to 163.8. Okay, period, you came and proved I'm not pregnant (thankfully, my fear that I'm somehow pregnant has gone down a bit each month). You can leave now.

But I've stayed on track. The scale *should* cooperate and go back down in the next few days, and I'm hoping to see a new low by weigh-in on Monday. I'm still hoping to see a number below 150 by January 9 (that's when Nora turns 9 mos. You know, 9 mos on, 9 mos off?). We shall see. I'm trying not to get too hung up on the exact dates, because either way, the weight will come off. I'm too stubborn to let it stay.

I think I've touched on this before, but I'm very stubborn and very hard on myself. That can be good (finishing my masters degree on time while having two kids 17 mos apart? No problem!) but it can be bad too. I keep comparing my weight loss this time to last time. The timeline is about the same. But I'm not. For one, I have three kids now. I'm two years older. I have different stressors this time. I'm even doing a different workout this time. I know it's not fair to compare myself to someone else. Comparing the current me to the two-years-ago me is comparing two different people too. Whether it takes more or less time to lose the weight this time isn't important. The fact that I'm losing it is.

And a happy surprise! The weather is getting really cold. I pulled out my winter coats, knowing they'd probably still be too small. I tried on my Columbia coat. It fit! Even over a hoodie! Awesome! A few days later, I pulled out an unforgiving leather coat. It fits too! And so does my dress coat! I had hoped they would fit by January but didn't think they'd fit me this soon. I love happy surprises. :) OH, and a pair of jeans I had to buy a few weeks ago because the only jeans that fit had a growing hole in the crotch? They're too big! :D I also got a few compliments about my smaller size. Two separate people noticed I'm getting more of an hourglass shape again. I didn't have that when I lost the weight after Mia. Another person told me I'm looking thin and I better not lose too much more or I'll disappear. That's a beautiful thing to hear, especially when you know you're still technically 20 lbs overweight (seriously, BMI doesn't fit my family). That also tells me that 145 is a good goal. I don't want to lose too much and look sickly.

I post on an awesome weight loss board. A lot of the women there picked their LTG based on the midway point of the healthy range for BMI. For me, that would be 126. Eek! I weighed that for about 2 seconds in high school, when I was dehydrated, had very little muscle, and hadn't been able to keep food down for 3 days. I'm almost 40 lbs more than that right now and already getting the "don't disappear" comments. For a lot of people, that midway point would be healthy and a good goal. Not for me. I'd have to lose almost all my body fat and a bit of muscle to get that low. Even if I made it that low, I don't think I could ever maintain it, but I think I'd drive myself insane trying. I know myself well enough to know that won't work for my body type and it'd be an eating disorder waiting to happen. If I see a lower number, I want to keep seeing that number, or a lower one. I want to be able to maintain a healthy weight, not see a very low number and spend the rest of my life preoccupied with seeing that number again.

Part of picking a healthy goal is knowing yourself. Knowing your body type and knowing your mental limits. I'm strong mentally, but I also know I'm a perfectionist and that can turn into a bad obsession. Right now, it's driving me NUTS that I'm higher than 162.6. I have to keep reminding myself that weight fluctuations are normal and expected, especially during my period. But I still obsess about it and pray the scale will be back down or even lower tomorrow. Which is why my LTG is 145, not 126. I know I can reach 145 and maintain there. I might be able to reach 126, but I'm not willing to risk it.