Two weeks before TF. Size 16 and 185 lbs.
I'm on the far right.
I'm on the far right.
Week 39 of TF. Size 13 and about 160.
Those pants are getting loose and I'm down to 156.6 now.
Those pants are getting loose and I'm down to 156.6 now.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
TurboFire Results and More
Been a few weeks, huh? I broke below 160. I'm at 156.6. I'm only 11 lbs from pre-pregnancy - yay! I'm 5 weeks away from Nora being 9 months old. So can I lose the last 11 lbs in 5 weeks over Christmas? I don't know, but I think I can get below 150, which I'll count as a success.
I finished TurboFire a week ago. The final counts were 27.8 lbs lost and 20.75 inches gone. Here's the breakdown:
I finished TurboFire a week ago. The final counts were 27.8 lbs lost and 20.75 inches gone. Here's the breakdown:
Inches Lost
Arms: 1.0 and 1.25
Chest: 3.75
Waist: 6.25
Hips: 4.0
Thighs: 2.0 and 2.5
I'm planning on doing the 5 day inferno plan next week, which should help me reach my goal of pre-pregnancy weight by 9 months postpartum. This past week I did some of my old Turbo Jam WOs. I love them and I still burned a decent number of calories. But it felt like I was working out in slow motion. I also did Turbo Sculpt but the problem is my weights jump from 4 lbs to 9 lbs. The first day I used the 4 lb weights and wasn't sore at all the next day. So the second day I alternated between the 4 and 9 lbers (my triceps can't quite handle 9 lbs). Surprisingly, I could still carry Nora the next day. I did have some muscle soreness then. I think I need to buy some 6 or 7 lb dumbbells for that WO. I did Ab Jam too. It felt easy when I was doing it, but my obliques were pretty sore the next day. But yeah, I'm doing the inferno plan of TF this week. I'm hoping to see more great results from that.
I posted my results on FB too and got a ton of responses and compliments. I loved every minute of that. But one thing I kept getting was "if you can do, so can I!" From some people, this was fine. They were looking at it like, "if she has 3 small kids and can work out regularly, I can do it too." That I love. I love that I'm inspiring people to better themselves. But other people it felt more along the lines of "if she can do TurboFire, so can I." That bugged me a little. Most people see me as a sweet, quiet, laid-back girl. This is true. But I'm can also be intense and I'm incredibly stubborn and determined. If I decide I'm going to do something, I do it, I do it as well as I possibly can, and I finish it on time, as scheduled. People tend not to recognize that part about me. In other words, since I'm sweet, they don't think I'd do a super intense WO. So they think TF is butterflies and rainbows or something and think they can do it too. Not so much. But I gotta say, there are a few people that I think will respect me and my determination a lot more once they drop the money on TF and can't handle it. I'm looking forward to that a bit. I work hard for my results. It takes commitment and determination. I get a bit frustrated when people don't recognize that and write off my hard work as good genes or my young age.
That being said, I calculated it and in the last 4 years, since Ella was born, I have lost 166 lbs, which is more than I currently weigh. To be fair, some of that came off easily after babies were born. So I also added up the amount I worked to lose: 105 lbs. See now why I get mad when people write it off? You don't lose that amount of weight by accident or just changing a thing here or there. It's consistently working out, consistently staying in your calorie range, consistently making good decisions and smart substitutions. Okay, stepping off my soapbox now. :)
I'm now about one size above where I'd like to be. That's exciting stuff. Maybe I'll get to a smaller size this time. I'm not sure. I just know I'm thrilled with how far I've come. And it's so much fun to pull small clothes out of my closet, try them on, and they fit! That makes me feel better than any bowl of ice cream, piece of cheesecake, or bowl of pasta ever has. :)
Friday, November 19, 2010
4 years of being a mom
My oldest daughter is 4 today. At the point I gave birth to her, I weighed 216 lbs. I have not weighed that much again, although I got close at the end of my pregnancy with my second daughter (213 that time, 205 with the third). The scale is up a little right now, but I realized that at 161.4, I'm only up .6 lbs from my lowest so far. I think once I take a rest day it'll start going down again. Tomorrow is my rest day this week.
Last week I was sick. First Ella and Mia got sick Wednesday night. Thursday I didn't feel great but I pushed through my workout. Friday was worse and Steve worked from home. He made me take a needed rest day to recover. I needed it but every time I started to feel okay, I'd think "oh, I can work out after all." If he hadn't been home to stop me, I probably would have. That's good, right? That I'm that motivated and self-disciplined? Well, yes and no. It's usually a good thing that I don't let myself take an unscheduled rest day. I stay on track that way. But it's not good when I resist taking a rest day when I'm sick and need it.
I talk about the line between self-disciplined healthy living and disordered eating habits (work out habits too) a lot. I know it's a fine line. I just read in a magazine this week that internal traits of perfectionism, self-discipline, and hyperconsciousness of body image can contribute to the development of an eating disorder. Um, that's me. That's how I managed to take care of my girls, finish my masters on time with a high GPA, and lost 70 lbs all at once. I push myself and I push *hard.* I know I have a screwy body image. Steve knows this and we talk about it. I'm honest with him about things and he keeps me in check, which is why I say he made me take Friday off. He knows I would have pushed myself through it.
There are a lot of reasons I want to be healthy. Some of them are vain and some are for other people. I want to be thin and like what I see in the mirror. I want to be admired. I also want to be around for Steve and the girls, and I don't want the girls to learn twisted eating patterns from me. I recently read a blog post that basically said "forget about you and mom time. Do it for your kids." For that woman, doing it for herself wasn't enough. She needed the motivation of doing it for her kids' benefit. I hated that post. My kids reap the benefits of it and that's a part of my motivation. I'm happier and more patient when I've worked out. If I'm at a healthy weight, I have more energy to play with them and I'm not preoccupied with how fat I think I look. But I need that break from being a mom (well, I frequently have to referee while exercising, but still) to do something for ME. Most of my day is consumed with doing things for my kids. I need to do something that's solely for me. I haven't worn make up in over a week. I rarely blow dry my hair. Half the time I don't usually bother to shower unless I've worked out or we have company coming over. As a mom, I frequently feel like my needs and wants come last. My fitness is the one area where I've really made myself a priority. So yes, my girls benefit from it, but that is for ME.
My body image was a bit messed up before I had kids, but it took a HUGE hit when I became a mom 4 years ago. I was at my heaviest when I got pregnant and then I gained 50 lbs. I didn't recognize myself. I cried a lot. Things were stretched and stretch-marked and sagged and I was miserable in my new body. Some women embrace their new shape and "battle scars." I couldn't. Which is probably why I've spent so much time and energy losing the weight each time. Between Mia and Nora I got down to 143 and held steady around 145 for a good 6-7 months before I got pregnant. To my surprise, I was pretty happy with my body. I still had the loose belly skin and saggy boobs, but I could accept it. I'm getting there again. I want to be happy with my body and I want my girls to learn from me that healthy and toned is the best kind of physical beauty. Confidence and body acceptance, not thinness, is what makes them attractive. Ella and I have come a long ways in the last 4 years. Happy birthday sweet girl.
Last week I was sick. First Ella and Mia got sick Wednesday night. Thursday I didn't feel great but I pushed through my workout. Friday was worse and Steve worked from home. He made me take a needed rest day to recover. I needed it but every time I started to feel okay, I'd think "oh, I can work out after all." If he hadn't been home to stop me, I probably would have. That's good, right? That I'm that motivated and self-disciplined? Well, yes and no. It's usually a good thing that I don't let myself take an unscheduled rest day. I stay on track that way. But it's not good when I resist taking a rest day when I'm sick and need it.
I talk about the line between self-disciplined healthy living and disordered eating habits (work out habits too) a lot. I know it's a fine line. I just read in a magazine this week that internal traits of perfectionism, self-discipline, and hyperconsciousness of body image can contribute to the development of an eating disorder. Um, that's me. That's how I managed to take care of my girls, finish my masters on time with a high GPA, and lost 70 lbs all at once. I push myself and I push *hard.* I know I have a screwy body image. Steve knows this and we talk about it. I'm honest with him about things and he keeps me in check, which is why I say he made me take Friday off. He knows I would have pushed myself through it.
There are a lot of reasons I want to be healthy. Some of them are vain and some are for other people. I want to be thin and like what I see in the mirror. I want to be admired. I also want to be around for Steve and the girls, and I don't want the girls to learn twisted eating patterns from me. I recently read a blog post that basically said "forget about you and mom time. Do it for your kids." For that woman, doing it for herself wasn't enough. She needed the motivation of doing it for her kids' benefit. I hated that post. My kids reap the benefits of it and that's a part of my motivation. I'm happier and more patient when I've worked out. If I'm at a healthy weight, I have more energy to play with them and I'm not preoccupied with how fat I think I look. But I need that break from being a mom (well, I frequently have to referee while exercising, but still) to do something for ME. Most of my day is consumed with doing things for my kids. I need to do something that's solely for me. I haven't worn make up in over a week. I rarely blow dry my hair. Half the time I don't usually bother to shower unless I've worked out or we have company coming over. As a mom, I frequently feel like my needs and wants come last. My fitness is the one area where I've really made myself a priority. So yes, my girls benefit from it, but that is for ME.
My body image was a bit messed up before I had kids, but it took a HUGE hit when I became a mom 4 years ago. I was at my heaviest when I got pregnant and then I gained 50 lbs. I didn't recognize myself. I cried a lot. Things were stretched and stretch-marked and sagged and I was miserable in my new body. Some women embrace their new shape and "battle scars." I couldn't. Which is probably why I've spent so much time and energy losing the weight each time. Between Mia and Nora I got down to 143 and held steady around 145 for a good 6-7 months before I got pregnant. To my surprise, I was pretty happy with my body. I still had the loose belly skin and saggy boobs, but I could accept it. I'm getting there again. I want to be happy with my body and I want my girls to learn from me that healthy and toned is the best kind of physical beauty. Confidence and body acceptance, not thinness, is what makes them attractive. Ella and I have come a long ways in the last 4 years. Happy birthday sweet girl.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Water retention and picking a healthy LTG
Ugh. The scale was so great and was down to 162.6. Awesome, I thought. I can make it to the 150's in the next week or so. Uh, nope. My stupid period started. It's been all jacked up since Nora was born. And I definitely retain water around my period now. So it showed up and the scale went back up to 165. Three days later and it's down to 163.8. Okay, period, you came and proved I'm not pregnant (thankfully, my fear that I'm somehow pregnant has gone down a bit each month). You can leave now.
But I've stayed on track. The scale *should* cooperate and go back down in the next few days, and I'm hoping to see a new low by weigh-in on Monday. I'm still hoping to see a number below 150 by January 9 (that's when Nora turns 9 mos. You know, 9 mos on, 9 mos off?). We shall see. I'm trying not to get too hung up on the exact dates, because either way, the weight will come off. I'm too stubborn to let it stay.
I think I've touched on this before, but I'm very stubborn and very hard on myself. That can be good (finishing my masters degree on time while having two kids 17 mos apart? No problem!) but it can be bad too. I keep comparing my weight loss this time to last time. The timeline is about the same. But I'm not. For one, I have three kids now. I'm two years older. I have different stressors this time. I'm even doing a different workout this time. I know it's not fair to compare myself to someone else. Comparing the current me to the two-years-ago me is comparing two different people too. Whether it takes more or less time to lose the weight this time isn't important. The fact that I'm losing it is.
And a happy surprise! The weather is getting really cold. I pulled out my winter coats, knowing they'd probably still be too small. I tried on my Columbia coat. It fit! Even over a hoodie! Awesome! A few days later, I pulled out an unforgiving leather coat. It fits too! And so does my dress coat! I had hoped they would fit by January but didn't think they'd fit me this soon. I love happy surprises. :) OH, and a pair of jeans I had to buy a few weeks ago because the only jeans that fit had a growing hole in the crotch? They're too big! :D I also got a few compliments about my smaller size. Two separate people noticed I'm getting more of an hourglass shape again. I didn't have that when I lost the weight after Mia. Another person told me I'm looking thin and I better not lose too much more or I'll disappear. That's a beautiful thing to hear, especially when you know you're still technically 20 lbs overweight (seriously, BMI doesn't fit my family). That also tells me that 145 is a good goal. I don't want to lose too much and look sickly.
I post on an awesome weight loss board. A lot of the women there picked their LTG based on the midway point of the healthy range for BMI. For me, that would be 126. Eek! I weighed that for about 2 seconds in high school, when I was dehydrated, had very little muscle, and hadn't been able to keep food down for 3 days. I'm almost 40 lbs more than that right now and already getting the "don't disappear" comments. For a lot of people, that midway point would be healthy and a good goal. Not for me. I'd have to lose almost all my body fat and a bit of muscle to get that low. Even if I made it that low, I don't think I could ever maintain it, but I think I'd drive myself insane trying. I know myself well enough to know that won't work for my body type and it'd be an eating disorder waiting to happen. If I see a lower number, I want to keep seeing that number, or a lower one. I want to be able to maintain a healthy weight, not see a very low number and spend the rest of my life preoccupied with seeing that number again.
Part of picking a healthy goal is knowing yourself. Knowing your body type and knowing your mental limits. I'm strong mentally, but I also know I'm a perfectionist and that can turn into a bad obsession. Right now, it's driving me NUTS that I'm higher than 162.6. I have to keep reminding myself that weight fluctuations are normal and expected, especially during my period. But I still obsess about it and pray the scale will be back down or even lower tomorrow. Which is why my LTG is 145, not 126. I know I can reach 145 and maintain there. I might be able to reach 126, but I'm not willing to risk it.
But I've stayed on track. The scale *should* cooperate and go back down in the next few days, and I'm hoping to see a new low by weigh-in on Monday. I'm still hoping to see a number below 150 by January 9 (that's when Nora turns 9 mos. You know, 9 mos on, 9 mos off?). We shall see. I'm trying not to get too hung up on the exact dates, because either way, the weight will come off. I'm too stubborn to let it stay.
I think I've touched on this before, but I'm very stubborn and very hard on myself. That can be good (finishing my masters degree on time while having two kids 17 mos apart? No problem!) but it can be bad too. I keep comparing my weight loss this time to last time. The timeline is about the same. But I'm not. For one, I have three kids now. I'm two years older. I have different stressors this time. I'm even doing a different workout this time. I know it's not fair to compare myself to someone else. Comparing the current me to the two-years-ago me is comparing two different people too. Whether it takes more or less time to lose the weight this time isn't important. The fact that I'm losing it is.
And a happy surprise! The weather is getting really cold. I pulled out my winter coats, knowing they'd probably still be too small. I tried on my Columbia coat. It fit! Even over a hoodie! Awesome! A few days later, I pulled out an unforgiving leather coat. It fits too! And so does my dress coat! I had hoped they would fit by January but didn't think they'd fit me this soon. I love happy surprises. :) OH, and a pair of jeans I had to buy a few weeks ago because the only jeans that fit had a growing hole in the crotch? They're too big! :D I also got a few compliments about my smaller size. Two separate people noticed I'm getting more of an hourglass shape again. I didn't have that when I lost the weight after Mia. Another person told me I'm looking thin and I better not lose too much more or I'll disappear. That's a beautiful thing to hear, especially when you know you're still technically 20 lbs overweight (seriously, BMI doesn't fit my family). That also tells me that 145 is a good goal. I don't want to lose too much and look sickly.
I post on an awesome weight loss board. A lot of the women there picked their LTG based on the midway point of the healthy range for BMI. For me, that would be 126. Eek! I weighed that for about 2 seconds in high school, when I was dehydrated, had very little muscle, and hadn't been able to keep food down for 3 days. I'm almost 40 lbs more than that right now and already getting the "don't disappear" comments. For a lot of people, that midway point would be healthy and a good goal. Not for me. I'd have to lose almost all my body fat and a bit of muscle to get that low. Even if I made it that low, I don't think I could ever maintain it, but I think I'd drive myself insane trying. I know myself well enough to know that won't work for my body type and it'd be an eating disorder waiting to happen. If I see a lower number, I want to keep seeing that number, or a lower one. I want to be able to maintain a healthy weight, not see a very low number and spend the rest of my life preoccupied with seeing that number again.
Part of picking a healthy goal is knowing yourself. Knowing your body type and knowing your mental limits. I'm strong mentally, but I also know I'm a perfectionist and that can turn into a bad obsession. Right now, it's driving me NUTS that I'm higher than 162.6. I have to keep reminding myself that weight fluctuations are normal and expected, especially during my period. But I still obsess about it and pray the scale will be back down or even lower tomorrow. Which is why my LTG is 145, not 126. I know I can reach 145 and maintain there. I might be able to reach 126, but I'm not willing to risk it.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Day 117 and 162.6
That's right, day 117. Only 23 more days until I've completed the full 20 weeks of TurboFire. I seem to be shrinking. :) I'm firmly in a 13 right now. Since I started out in an 18, I'm happy with that. Progress is progress. I'm pretty firm now. And no wonder! HIIT workouts and strength training and tons of cardio. I have muscles! I feel like if I do another round or two of TF, there will be no jiggle left.
The scale has been moving steadily downward again since I started this month of HIIT workouts. It's like the fat is melting off my body. It's nuts and so awesome. I'm down to 162.6. At this rate, I could make my long term goal by Nora's 9 month birthday after all. I have 9 weeks and 17.6 lbs to go. Considering I've lost 3 lbs in the last week, that's totally doable. It's been pretty easy to stay on track lately since I've consistently seen good results. I have some Halloween candy that I've been rationing out. I went to a Halloween party and tried to make smart decisions about food while indulging a bit. It worked. I was up a bit the next day, but back down the next. That's how I did it two years ago after Mia too. Stay on track during the week, keep working out, drink tons of water. At parties, load up on fruits and veggies and have small amounts of your favorite treats. It's worked like a charm for me. I went into the holidays planning on maintaining but managed to lose a little. The plan is the same this year and given the current trend, I think it should work again. I can totally stay on track. I got this. :)
The scale has been moving steadily downward again since I started this month of HIIT workouts. It's like the fat is melting off my body. It's nuts and so awesome. I'm down to 162.6. At this rate, I could make my long term goal by Nora's 9 month birthday after all. I have 9 weeks and 17.6 lbs to go. Considering I've lost 3 lbs in the last week, that's totally doable. It's been pretty easy to stay on track lately since I've consistently seen good results. I have some Halloween candy that I've been rationing out. I went to a Halloween party and tried to make smart decisions about food while indulging a bit. It worked. I was up a bit the next day, but back down the next. That's how I did it two years ago after Mia too. Stay on track during the week, keep working out, drink tons of water. At parties, load up on fruits and veggies and have small amounts of your favorite treats. It's worked like a charm for me. I went into the holidays planning on maintaining but managed to lose a little. The plan is the same this year and given the current trend, I think it should work again. I can totally stay on track. I got this. :)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I hate cameras
Sometimes I start to feel good about myself and how I look. And then I see a picture and cringe. Welcome to my Sunday.
Monday, October 18, 2010
The bounce-back
After 5 consecutive days of the scale staying the same or moving down each day, I knew it was coming. This morning, it did. I was back up a pound. The bounce-back.
It's quite possible I made up that word. Or someone else did and I stole it. But it's when suddenly the scale bounces back up instead of staying the same or moving down. A lot of times it comes the same week as your period, after eating salty food, or just overeating. We did have Wendy's for lunch yesterday, but I thought I'd miss the salt-induced water retention by sticking to a plain baked potato and a large chili. I didn't even have a diet pop. I stayed on track all weekend and did all my workouts. Maybe chili has more salt in it than I thought.
Days like this it's easy to get discouraged. Why isn't the scale cooperating? But a little reasoning and it's all okay again. Weight fluctuations are normal. It's most likely water weight and will disappear in a day or two. Overall, the scale is moving down. After taking 4 months to lose 10 lbs, I've lost 12 lbs in the last 2 months. That's great and one day of the scale bouncing back is okay. I even expected this. So I'll stay on track today, drink my water, do my workout, and see what the scale says tomorrow. Odds are, it will be back down. I am doing all I can to control my weight and it's paying off. I can't control normal fluctuations and that's okay. It only becomes a problem if I let it throw me off-track and it turns into a gain rather than bounce-back.
So I'll finish my coffee (seriously, I'm addicted to that and cardio) and my healthy lunch and then work out. Fire 60 today, which is quickly becoming a favorite. There are two finales at the end and I LOVE the second one. The combination of the moves and the music gets me pumped back up and I end that long cardio session feeling more energized than I was at the beginning. It's amazing and addicting. Find a work out you love and stick with it! It helps you avoid the bounce-back. ;)
It's quite possible I made up that word. Or someone else did and I stole it. But it's when suddenly the scale bounces back up instead of staying the same or moving down. A lot of times it comes the same week as your period, after eating salty food, or just overeating. We did have Wendy's for lunch yesterday, but I thought I'd miss the salt-induced water retention by sticking to a plain baked potato and a large chili. I didn't even have a diet pop. I stayed on track all weekend and did all my workouts. Maybe chili has more salt in it than I thought.
Days like this it's easy to get discouraged. Why isn't the scale cooperating? But a little reasoning and it's all okay again. Weight fluctuations are normal. It's most likely water weight and will disappear in a day or two. Overall, the scale is moving down. After taking 4 months to lose 10 lbs, I've lost 12 lbs in the last 2 months. That's great and one day of the scale bouncing back is okay. I even expected this. So I'll stay on track today, drink my water, do my workout, and see what the scale says tomorrow. Odds are, it will be back down. I am doing all I can to control my weight and it's paying off. I can't control normal fluctuations and that's okay. It only becomes a problem if I let it throw me off-track and it turns into a gain rather than bounce-back.
So I'll finish my coffee (seriously, I'm addicted to that and cardio) and my healthy lunch and then work out. Fire 60 today, which is quickly becoming a favorite. There are two finales at the end and I LOVE the second one. The combination of the moves and the music gets me pumped back up and I end that long cardio session feeling more energized than I was at the beginning. It's amazing and addicting. Find a work out you love and stick with it! It helps you avoid the bounce-back. ;)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Whoa! I'm thin!
I'm beginning to feel thin. Like my curves are smoother now, I'm more solid than squishy, I have some visible muscle definition. Normally Steve is telling me for several months that I'm thin before I finally feel that way and see myself that way. And sometimes, even after I start to feel thin, it's a while before I see my reflection or a picture and think I look thin. Unless you've had body image issues, you probably don't have a clue what I mean. But for a lot of us, the size we feel like we are on the inside doesn't match the outside, especially if we've recently lost a lot of weight.
But this morning the scale said 168.2. It's been moving steadily downward, which is all the motivation I need to resist unnecessary food and keep working out. And then I stood in front of the mirror and I was shocked. I looked thin! It caught me off-guard. It was the same way for a long time when I lost weight two years ago. I'd pass a mirror in a store and be surprised how thin I looked. There is definitely a distortion between whether or not I look good and whether or not I feel like I look good.
I know I'm really hard on myself. Sometimes that discipline is good. That's how I've managed to lose so much weight after each pregnancy without having someone else keeping me on track. I like support, but I'm not the type of person who requires a work out buddy pushing me to exercise or take the cookies away from me. All my motivation comes from me. I want to be thin, healthy, look good, feel like I look good, be more confident, have muscles. I know what it takes to get there, so I do it. No whining (usually), no excuses. I only stay this size if I don't do what it takes to change it. I am in control.
But I also know myself well enough to know that my discipline can reach an unhealthy level. Back in high school, I was pretty thin. I remember spending the summer before senior year going out for a run and coming back to do tae bo. Every day, in 80 degree weather. I was a stick and weighed 128. It wasn't a bad weight for my height and build, but I didn't eat very healthy and probably didn't eat enough. That fall, in one horrible weekend, I had my wisdom teeth pulled, had a bad reaction to both the anesthesia and pain meds, and my boyfriend of 18 months dumped me. Between not being able to keep food down at the beginning of the weekend and not having an appetite at the end of the weekend, I dropped 5 lbs (water weight, I'm sure). I was ecstatic. Twisted, huh? Of course, once I could stomach food again, I started to regain that 5 lbs. I freaked. I started taking laxatives at night after everyone else was in bed. To this day, I'm not sure my parents know about that. Every night I hesitated before swallowing them, knowing I was standing on the edge of a slippery slope to an eating disorder. The whole thing didn't last long and I stopped taking them. I'm not sure if I consciously decided I needed to stop or if we ran out of laxatives. On occasion in college, I would take laxatives if I felt fat. I even did it once or twice after I had Ella. I told Steve. I don't remember him being disappointed in me, just concerned.
So when I started counting calories after I had Amelia and working out regularly, we talked. He knows he needs to keep an eye on me and make sure I'm staying healthy. I know I need to be honest with him about how I'm feeling about my body. I know the lowest my calorie should go is 1200 to 1500. I try to keep on myself to continue working out while not being militant about it. I know I'm stronger emotionally now than I was in high school and I know I have Steve's support. And I have a deep concern that if I don't keep myself healthy, which includes not getting too thin or obsessive, I might pass that on to my daughters. More than anything, I want them to be more confident than I was. I think the best way to do that is to take good care of myself, do things in moderation, and model the confidence I want them to have.
My goal is 145 lbs. This is at the upper end of my healthy BMI range. I'm sure I've talked before about how I think BMI is inaccurate. But at that weight last summer, I was a size 8, the thinnest I've been since high school. I had good muscle tone. I was actually happy with my body. It was easy to maintain my weight there. But the biggest reason? I know myself. And I was scared that if I set my goal too low and I had trouble getting there or maintaining there, it would become an obsession again. I am pretty strict most of the time about staying in my calorie range, but I know that is necessary to keep the weight coming off. Once I'm at a happy weight, I want it to liveable and in moderation. I don't want to count calories the rest of my life. I don't want the rest of my life to be a struggle with the scale. I want to be able to eat healthy 99% of the time and splurge occasionally. I want to work out regularly and not freak out that I might gain weight if I take a day off. I'm not sure it'd be realistic to try to weigh 128 again. I might see that number again, but I doubt I could maintain it. After 10 years and 3 kids, I have extra skin and things are wider than they used to be. I have a lot more muscle than I did then. At 145 last summer, I was about the same size as I was at 17 and 128 lbs. I'm good with that. And I was more concerned with staying in shape and gaining muscle definition than the number on the scale. And that's a good place to be. More than anything, I want to be healthy, strong, and look and feel good. I know I do at 145. So that's my goal again.
I'm feeling fit and strong again. My confidence is growing. TurboFire is melting the fat off my body and the pounds are dropping away. At this rate, I may be thinner at 145 than I was last summer. That'd be okay with me, but that's not my goal. But the goal is to be fit. TF makes me feel powerful and like I'm an athlete. Chalene says to train like an athlete. I am. But what am I training for? At the risk of sounding hokey, I'm training for LIFE. I can live a fuller, happier, longer life if I'm fit. Fit is awesome. Thin is the side effect.
But this morning the scale said 168.2. It's been moving steadily downward, which is all the motivation I need to resist unnecessary food and keep working out. And then I stood in front of the mirror and I was shocked. I looked thin! It caught me off-guard. It was the same way for a long time when I lost weight two years ago. I'd pass a mirror in a store and be surprised how thin I looked. There is definitely a distortion between whether or not I look good and whether or not I feel like I look good.
I know I'm really hard on myself. Sometimes that discipline is good. That's how I've managed to lose so much weight after each pregnancy without having someone else keeping me on track. I like support, but I'm not the type of person who requires a work out buddy pushing me to exercise or take the cookies away from me. All my motivation comes from me. I want to be thin, healthy, look good, feel like I look good, be more confident, have muscles. I know what it takes to get there, so I do it. No whining (usually), no excuses. I only stay this size if I don't do what it takes to change it. I am in control.
But I also know myself well enough to know that my discipline can reach an unhealthy level. Back in high school, I was pretty thin. I remember spending the summer before senior year going out for a run and coming back to do tae bo. Every day, in 80 degree weather. I was a stick and weighed 128. It wasn't a bad weight for my height and build, but I didn't eat very healthy and probably didn't eat enough. That fall, in one horrible weekend, I had my wisdom teeth pulled, had a bad reaction to both the anesthesia and pain meds, and my boyfriend of 18 months dumped me. Between not being able to keep food down at the beginning of the weekend and not having an appetite at the end of the weekend, I dropped 5 lbs (water weight, I'm sure). I was ecstatic. Twisted, huh? Of course, once I could stomach food again, I started to regain that 5 lbs. I freaked. I started taking laxatives at night after everyone else was in bed. To this day, I'm not sure my parents know about that. Every night I hesitated before swallowing them, knowing I was standing on the edge of a slippery slope to an eating disorder. The whole thing didn't last long and I stopped taking them. I'm not sure if I consciously decided I needed to stop or if we ran out of laxatives. On occasion in college, I would take laxatives if I felt fat. I even did it once or twice after I had Ella. I told Steve. I don't remember him being disappointed in me, just concerned.
So when I started counting calories after I had Amelia and working out regularly, we talked. He knows he needs to keep an eye on me and make sure I'm staying healthy. I know I need to be honest with him about how I'm feeling about my body. I know the lowest my calorie should go is 1200 to 1500. I try to keep on myself to continue working out while not being militant about it. I know I'm stronger emotionally now than I was in high school and I know I have Steve's support. And I have a deep concern that if I don't keep myself healthy, which includes not getting too thin or obsessive, I might pass that on to my daughters. More than anything, I want them to be more confident than I was. I think the best way to do that is to take good care of myself, do things in moderation, and model the confidence I want them to have.
My goal is 145 lbs. This is at the upper end of my healthy BMI range. I'm sure I've talked before about how I think BMI is inaccurate. But at that weight last summer, I was a size 8, the thinnest I've been since high school. I had good muscle tone. I was actually happy with my body. It was easy to maintain my weight there. But the biggest reason? I know myself. And I was scared that if I set my goal too low and I had trouble getting there or maintaining there, it would become an obsession again. I am pretty strict most of the time about staying in my calorie range, but I know that is necessary to keep the weight coming off. Once I'm at a happy weight, I want it to liveable and in moderation. I don't want to count calories the rest of my life. I don't want the rest of my life to be a struggle with the scale. I want to be able to eat healthy 99% of the time and splurge occasionally. I want to work out regularly and not freak out that I might gain weight if I take a day off. I'm not sure it'd be realistic to try to weigh 128 again. I might see that number again, but I doubt I could maintain it. After 10 years and 3 kids, I have extra skin and things are wider than they used to be. I have a lot more muscle than I did then. At 145 last summer, I was about the same size as I was at 17 and 128 lbs. I'm good with that. And I was more concerned with staying in shape and gaining muscle definition than the number on the scale. And that's a good place to be. More than anything, I want to be healthy, strong, and look and feel good. I know I do at 145. So that's my goal again.
I'm feeling fit and strong again. My confidence is growing. TurboFire is melting the fat off my body and the pounds are dropping away. At this rate, I may be thinner at 145 than I was last summer. That'd be okay with me, but that's not my goal. But the goal is to be fit. TF makes me feel powerful and like I'm an athlete. Chalene says to train like an athlete. I am. But what am I training for? At the risk of sounding hokey, I'm training for LIFE. I can live a fuller, happier, longer life if I'm fit. Fit is awesome. Thin is the side effect.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
160's!
Monday night I got home from work and the last thing I wanted to do was a 60 minute WO. But I sucked it up and did it, knowing I wouldn't regret it. And I didn't. I LOVED it. I felt so much better and had so much more energy. Fire 60 is long but I really like it.
Best part? The scale rewarded me with 169.8 the next morning! And this morning it was 168.8! Awesome!
I also got a lot of compliments from coworkers the days I worked this week. It's so nice when people notice! :)
Best part? The scale rewarded me with 169.8 the next morning! And this morning it was 168.8! Awesome!
I also got a lot of compliments from coworkers the days I worked this week. It's so nice when people notice! :)
Monday, October 4, 2010
12 weeks done!
I have finished the 12 weeks of the basic (if it can be called that) TurboFire set. Today begins the 8 weeks of advanced TF. Today is Fire 60 and Abs 10 - eek!
But for the first 12 weeks, I lost 13.2 lbs and 12.75 inches. That's about two sizes. Hoping to continue seeing awesome results for the next 8 weeks! (And beyond that, since I'll probably still have a bit left until goal and will still be working out regardless.)
But for the first 12 weeks, I lost 13.2 lbs and 12.75 inches. That's about two sizes. Hoping to continue seeing awesome results for the next 8 weeks! (And beyond that, since I'll probably still have a bit left until goal and will still be working out regardless.)
Monday, September 20, 2010
Day 70 and random thoughts
Day 70 is done and I'm halfway through TurboFire! Rock on. I'm down 11 lbs and 8.75 inches. For all my frustration about the scale not moving, I averaged more than a lb lost each week. I'm hoping to lose a bit quicker for the next 10 weeks, but I'm pleased with my progress so far. I feel like I'm accomplishing something too.
If I watch a morning show, it's the Today show. Al Roker irritates me to no end, but it's still the show I prefer. Then Ellen comes on and I think she's hilarious. This morning it went back to Today with Kathie Lee and Hoda. They annoy me even more than Al Roker and I don't care a bit what they think about anything. But today they were discussing women's numbers (age and weight) and how much women avoid telling their numbers. So they revealed theirs. I was curious and it was a good topic so I watched it. Hoda is 46 and 5'9". She winced as she revealed her weight as 146. Are you KIDDING me? I'm 27 and 5'4" and I'd be thrilled to be that weight right now. Then there's Kathie Lee. She's 57 (I seriously didn't realize she was that old) and 129. She was whining about how she now weighs more than she did at 9 months pregnant with her son Cody. Seriously?! I googled her height and she's 5'6". I'm two inches shorter and the last time I weighed that little I was 17 and still in high school. She then sneered at the camera and said, "I hope that makes you feel better at home." Both women have BMIs of 20-21, the middle of the healthy range. The two of them cringing as their reveal their healthy weights is supposed to make other women feel better? I'm nearly 20 years younger and a few inches shorter and they made me feel like I'm fat and should be ashamed of it. If they'd proudly revealed their weight I think I'd feel differently. What sort of example are they trying to set? Someone near 50 and over should be proud of a weight in the healthy range, not embarrassed. I think the way they acted completely contradicted the point of the show.
Btw, for my BMI to be around what theirs are, the number they were embarrassed to reveal, I'd need to weigh about 125. I weighed that for about 2 seconds in high school after a weekend of being sick and dehydrated. That's a 50 lb loss from what I currently weigh. Stupid women. If they wanted to make women feel better about themselves, they failed. Big time. (Just for the record, I don't feel fat. I weigh more than I should but I'm working on that daily and I'm proud of my efforts and progress. I was more upset that they were spreading this on national TV when their point was to do the opposite. I want to help women feel better about who they are and improve their bodies and health.)
If I watch a morning show, it's the Today show. Al Roker irritates me to no end, but it's still the show I prefer. Then Ellen comes on and I think she's hilarious. This morning it went back to Today with Kathie Lee and Hoda. They annoy me even more than Al Roker and I don't care a bit what they think about anything. But today they were discussing women's numbers (age and weight) and how much women avoid telling their numbers. So they revealed theirs. I was curious and it was a good topic so I watched it. Hoda is 46 and 5'9". She winced as she revealed her weight as 146. Are you KIDDING me? I'm 27 and 5'4" and I'd be thrilled to be that weight right now. Then there's Kathie Lee. She's 57 (I seriously didn't realize she was that old) and 129. She was whining about how she now weighs more than she did at 9 months pregnant with her son Cody. Seriously?! I googled her height and she's 5'6". I'm two inches shorter and the last time I weighed that little I was 17 and still in high school. She then sneered at the camera and said, "I hope that makes you feel better at home." Both women have BMIs of 20-21, the middle of the healthy range. The two of them cringing as their reveal their healthy weights is supposed to make other women feel better? I'm nearly 20 years younger and a few inches shorter and they made me feel like I'm fat and should be ashamed of it. If they'd proudly revealed their weight I think I'd feel differently. What sort of example are they trying to set? Someone near 50 and over should be proud of a weight in the healthy range, not embarrassed. I think the way they acted completely contradicted the point of the show.
Btw, for my BMI to be around what theirs are, the number they were embarrassed to reveal, I'd need to weigh about 125. I weighed that for about 2 seconds in high school after a weekend of being sick and dehydrated. That's a 50 lb loss from what I currently weigh. Stupid women. If they wanted to make women feel better about themselves, they failed. Big time. (Just for the record, I don't feel fat. I weigh more than I should but I'm working on that daily and I'm proud of my efforts and progress. I was more upset that they were spreading this on national TV when their point was to do the opposite. I want to help women feel better about who they are and improve their bodies and health.)
Friday, September 10, 2010
No longer obese!!!
I stepped on the scale today and was shocked to see 174.6! At my height, BMI indicates 175.0 and above is obese. Anything below it and above 145.1 is overweight. So as of today I am no longer obese and merely overweight, lol.
I hate the BMI. I don't think it's accurate for everyone. Now, I'm big right now. I mean, I AM in a size 15. So yes, I am overweight. But obese? Really? I chose to ignore that label, especially since I was actively working on changing it. But I think I'm starting to look pretty good. I'm not the size or weight I'd like to be, but for the weight and size I am, my shape is nice. Personally I think the BMI is outdated. For the women in my family, it doesn't seem accurate either. One of my sisters is 22 and a newlywed. She's always been in good shape. She currently weighs slightly more than is normal for her but she still has an amazing figure and wears a 5/6. According to BMI, she's overweight. That's crap. At my happy, healthy weight last summer, I was still right on the edge of being overweight. And I was the thinnest I've been in my adult life. We inherited good muscle tone and gain muscle easily. We're muscular, not overweight. (Well, I'M currently overweight, but she's not and I don't consider myself overweight at 145 and wearing a size 8.) And excuse me, BMI, 108 would not look remotely healthy on me or my sister. It wouldn't look healthy on our other sister who is two inches shorter either.
Regardless of my feelings about BMI, a number below 175 is a nice milestone. Yay for progress! :)
I hate the BMI. I don't think it's accurate for everyone. Now, I'm big right now. I mean, I AM in a size 15. So yes, I am overweight. But obese? Really? I chose to ignore that label, especially since I was actively working on changing it. But I think I'm starting to look pretty good. I'm not the size or weight I'd like to be, but for the weight and size I am, my shape is nice. Personally I think the BMI is outdated. For the women in my family, it doesn't seem accurate either. One of my sisters is 22 and a newlywed. She's always been in good shape. She currently weighs slightly more than is normal for her but she still has an amazing figure and wears a 5/6. According to BMI, she's overweight. That's crap. At my happy, healthy weight last summer, I was still right on the edge of being overweight. And I was the thinnest I've been in my adult life. We inherited good muscle tone and gain muscle easily. We're muscular, not overweight. (Well, I'M currently overweight, but she's not and I don't consider myself overweight at 145 and wearing a size 8.) And excuse me, BMI, 108 would not look remotely healthy on me or my sister. It wouldn't look healthy on our other sister who is two inches shorter either.
Regardless of my feelings about BMI, a number below 175 is a nice milestone. Yay for progress! :)
Monday, September 6, 2010
Not the natural athlete
I never liked PE. I was the kid who missed the ball in kickball. Got the glasses knocked off my face in dodgeball. Got hit in the head with the football. If it's a sport with a ball, I am a total klutz. I once broke my knuckle playing kickball. Seriously. It's that bad. I may have an athletic build, but a natural athlete I am not.
I'm working out regularly and I'm getting back into good shape. I'm proud of that and my growing muscles. I'm starting to feel like an athlete. But I still don't like sports, lol. This past weekend, Dad, Steve, Reid, and Donovan played volleyball. They tried to get me to play. I refused. I sat on the edge of the court and supervised Ella and Chloe. I enjoyed it. I don't feel like I'm missing out by sitting on the sidelines of sports games. My exercise has widened what I'm physically able to do and I love that. But it definitely hasn't improved my skill with a ball or my willingness to play a sport. Yet. Maybe next summer... Exercise DOES improve self-confidence. ;)
I'm working out regularly and I'm getting back into good shape. I'm proud of that and my growing muscles. I'm starting to feel like an athlete. But I still don't like sports, lol. This past weekend, Dad, Steve, Reid, and Donovan played volleyball. They tried to get me to play. I refused. I sat on the edge of the court and supervised Ella and Chloe. I enjoyed it. I don't feel like I'm missing out by sitting on the sidelines of sports games. My exercise has widened what I'm physically able to do and I love that. But it definitely hasn't improved my skill with a ball or my willingness to play a sport. Yet. Maybe next summer... Exercise DOES improve self-confidence. ;)
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Physical results and the effects of weight loss on marriage
I had my physical last Thursday and did the blood work Friday morning, after a 12 hour fast. The results? Everything is perfectly normal. After consulting with my weight loss board, I adjusted my calorie range and am no longer eating my workout calories. Hopefully that will fix the non-weight loss issue.
This showed up on my Facebook newsfeed. I've noticed an epidemic of divorces on my board and was beginning to wonder what the connection is between weight loss and relationships falling apart. A discussion with a friend brought out a great analogy: the person who is losing weight is shifting her priorities. If her spouse's priorities don't shift too, eventually they diverge, hitting a fork in the road. This doesn't happen in all relationships, but seems to happen in a lot of them. I don't think it's necessary for both spouses to be working on losing weight, but the spouse needs to be supportive, both spouses need to communicate, and they need to maintain their connection in other areas. I wish my husband was working out too, but it's not a priority to him right now. He is incredibly supportive though, we talk about everything, and we still spend time together doing other things. This trend is something to be aware for sure. How are you safeguarding your marriage?
This showed up on my Facebook newsfeed. I've noticed an epidemic of divorces on my board and was beginning to wonder what the connection is between weight loss and relationships falling apart. A discussion with a friend brought out a great analogy: the person who is losing weight is shifting her priorities. If her spouse's priorities don't shift too, eventually they diverge, hitting a fork in the road. This doesn't happen in all relationships, but seems to happen in a lot of them. I don't think it's necessary for both spouses to be working on losing weight, but the spouse needs to be supportive, both spouses need to communicate, and they need to maintain their connection in other areas. I wish my husband was working out too, but it's not a priority to him right now. He is incredibly supportive though, we talk about everything, and we still spend time together doing other things. This trend is something to be aware for sure. How are you safeguarding your marriage?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day 37 and 179.8!
Today I saw a number I have been wishing for since the end of April. I just really wanted to get below 180. Today I did it! Weird thing, I'm not excited. I feel more like a cross between "well, it's about time" and disbelief because it's taken a ridiculously long time to get here. A good 3.5 months. To lose 10 lbs. For real. I'm glad I have my physical on Thursday and I'm so hoping for answers and a simple solution. Like it's my thyroid levels and taking this pill for 2 weeks will fix it. That'd be awesome.
On the plus side, I'm starting to feel thinner. Normally I've actually been thinner for at least a few weeks before my head catches up and I realize I actually AM thinner. This time it's harder for me to know where I'm at. My measurements haven't really changed. I am much more solid but there's still a layer of fat covering all my muscles. I'm not down a size yet. The scale is only slighter lower. I know the person I see in the mirror and even in pictures is a distortion. I see my flaws. I have a hard time seeing changes until they're big changes. My mom and my husband can tell a change. But they're also the people I vent to about not seeing changes and the people I tend to write off most easily because of course they see the best in me. Make sense? I value their opinions but they're most likely to notice the smallest change. I tend to put more stock in it when someone who doesn't have an interest in keeping me happy or pays all that much attention to me notices a change. Messed up, huh? I suppose it would be less biased...Anyhow, Steve's sister and mom both seemed surprised yesterday when I said I haven't really lost much weight or many inches. I take that as a sign that my body is changing.
Oh, and apparently my cardio conditioning is working so well that I'm burning fewer calories, lol. Cruel irony of getting into shape, although I thought I'd be a good 20 lbs lighter before that really happened. Ah well. I can just push myself harder through my workouts now. Here's hoping the doc has answers!
On the plus side, I'm starting to feel thinner. Normally I've actually been thinner for at least a few weeks before my head catches up and I realize I actually AM thinner. This time it's harder for me to know where I'm at. My measurements haven't really changed. I am much more solid but there's still a layer of fat covering all my muscles. I'm not down a size yet. The scale is only slighter lower. I know the person I see in the mirror and even in pictures is a distortion. I see my flaws. I have a hard time seeing changes until they're big changes. My mom and my husband can tell a change. But they're also the people I vent to about not seeing changes and the people I tend to write off most easily because of course they see the best in me. Make sense? I value their opinions but they're most likely to notice the smallest change. I tend to put more stock in it when someone who doesn't have an interest in keeping me happy or pays all that much attention to me notices a change. Messed up, huh? I suppose it would be less biased...Anyhow, Steve's sister and mom both seemed surprised yesterday when I said I haven't really lost much weight or many inches. I take that as a sign that my body is changing.
Oh, and apparently my cardio conditioning is working so well that I'm burning fewer calories, lol. Cruel irony of getting into shape, although I thought I'd be a good 20 lbs lighter before that really happened. Ah well. I can just push myself harder through my workouts now. Here's hoping the doc has answers!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Day 25
Yup, day 25 of TurboFire. I can feel that I'm in better shape and I recover quicker. The workouts are starting to get a bit more fun as I recover energy quicker and learn the choreography better. I am much more solid. The annoying part? The scale still hasn't budged. While my body composition seems to have changed (I wish I had calipers to measure my body fat!), I haven't really lost inches yet, at least not in the spots I've been measuring. I'm trying to keep the faith that if I stick with this, the pounds and inches WILL come off. But I have to admit it's getting a bit frustrating that 3.5 months in, I'm only down 8 lbs. I have a feeling the weight will start coming off soon. But I did schedule a physical in two weeks just in case something doesn't change. Maybe something is off?
Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is leading by example. The most obvious example is my kids. Right now they think working out and being strong is the coolest thing. Yay! I want to be fit and a healthy size and eat healthy foods and enjoy treats *in moderation* to teach them those things. I can tell them all I want, but what will stick with them is what I DO. I'm hoping my example spreads farther. I want my husband to be active and healthy. He's been honest with me and said exercise isn't a high priority right now. But I do know that when I'm fit and eating right, we go for more walks as a family and eat healthier. So even if it's not full-blown, my eating habits and exercise are beginning to impact him.
Now, I have to share a pet peeve of mine. After I lost the weight after Mia was born, SO many people wrote it off as good genes or because I was young. Those things do help. But it came down to determination, will-power, and consistency. I wanted to lose weight. So I cut calories. I turned down treats or had a smaller amount. I drank gallons of water. I worked out 5 days a week, every week. I changed my habits. I stuck with it, even on the weekends and over the holidays. It drove me nuts that everyone wrote it off as luck. No, people, it was hard work. Months of it. Another thing I've noticed is very few people are interested in the changes I'm making along the way. But once the weight is gone? Then they want to know my "secret." There is no secret, there is no silver bullet. And once they hear it wasn't some magic thing that made me instantly lose weight without any willpower or exercise, they're not interested. Sigh. I want to change that. I want to help people realize it does take hard work, but they CAN do it. And I can help them. Problem is figuring out how to get from dreaming this to making it a reality.
And I have a follower! Yay! Hi Amy! :) Love my MLW ladies! They are my cheering section, listening ears, and sympathizers. I just wish I knew more of them in real life. Off to feed the baby and then work out!
Something that has been on my mind a lot lately is leading by example. The most obvious example is my kids. Right now they think working out and being strong is the coolest thing. Yay! I want to be fit and a healthy size and eat healthy foods and enjoy treats *in moderation* to teach them those things. I can tell them all I want, but what will stick with them is what I DO. I'm hoping my example spreads farther. I want my husband to be active and healthy. He's been honest with me and said exercise isn't a high priority right now. But I do know that when I'm fit and eating right, we go for more walks as a family and eat healthier. So even if it's not full-blown, my eating habits and exercise are beginning to impact him.
Now, I have to share a pet peeve of mine. After I lost the weight after Mia was born, SO many people wrote it off as good genes or because I was young. Those things do help. But it came down to determination, will-power, and consistency. I wanted to lose weight. So I cut calories. I turned down treats or had a smaller amount. I drank gallons of water. I worked out 5 days a week, every week. I changed my habits. I stuck with it, even on the weekends and over the holidays. It drove me nuts that everyone wrote it off as luck. No, people, it was hard work. Months of it. Another thing I've noticed is very few people are interested in the changes I'm making along the way. But once the weight is gone? Then they want to know my "secret." There is no secret, there is no silver bullet. And once they hear it wasn't some magic thing that made me instantly lose weight without any willpower or exercise, they're not interested. Sigh. I want to change that. I want to help people realize it does take hard work, but they CAN do it. And I can help them. Problem is figuring out how to get from dreaming this to making it a reality.
And I have a follower! Yay! Hi Amy! :) Love my MLW ladies! They are my cheering section, listening ears, and sympathizers. I just wish I knew more of them in real life. Off to feed the baby and then work out!
Friday, July 16, 2010
I Am Strong
I am strong.
I am STRONG.
I have three kids. I earned my masters. I've lost this weight before. I can do this again. I can do this workout.
I CAN DO THIS!!!
I AM STRONG!!! I have as much power as I believe I do.
I am STRONG.
I have three kids. I earned my masters. I've lost this weight before. I can do this again. I can do this workout.
I CAN DO THIS!!!
I AM STRONG!!! I have as much power as I believe I do.
Frustration
Yes, I'm frustrated yet again. The scale is back up, without a good explanation as to why. My period is just ending, but my weight was lower mid-period than it is now. I've done every workout, hard. I've stayed in my calorie range, taking care not to go too high or too low. I took the scheduled rest day. I've been drinking all 112 oz of water each day. I haven't had anything overly salty. And I've tried to spread my calories evenly throughout the day rather than eating 1/2 of them in the evening. I do feel a bit more solid but haven't done any actual strength training this week. Even if I had, I doubt I've gained enough muscle to make the scale go up. So what is the deal? I haven't got a clue but it's really frustrating that I've done all the "right" things for months now without the scale moving down much at all.
I'm trying to trust the process. If I keep at this, the scale will eventually cooperate, right?
I'm trying to trust the process. If I keep at this, the scale will eventually cooperate, right?
Friday, July 9, 2010
Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint
I had this thought a few weeks ago. And on days like today, when it feels like one step forward, two steps back, I need to remember it.
Weight loss is a long-term commitment, more of a life change than anything else. Doing weight loss all-out for a few days isn't going to do much. To keep the weight off, it should come off slowly. Your efforts need to be steady and consistent. It's more like a marathon, with pacing and endurance, than a sprint where it's fast and short.
Weight loss is a long-term commitment, more of a life change than anything else. Doing weight loss all-out for a few days isn't going to do much. To keep the weight off, it should come off slowly. Your efforts need to be steady and consistent. It's more like a marathon, with pacing and endurance, than a sprint where it's fast and short.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The fountain of youth is a puddle of sweat
This quote was in my TurboFire info. This is so true! In the book it explained that high intensity exercise increases the body's production of human growth hormone (HGH). HGH is responsible for growth spurts in kids, but the production of it decreases as you age, especially once you're in your mid-thirties. Increasing it has anti-aging effects and rejuvenates your body. Apparently there is artificial HGH you can have injected but it's controversial and may not be safe. High intensity training increases it naturally and helps you feel and look younger.
Now I know I'm only 26 (27 in a few weeks). But while I was pregnant and shortly after when I was still overweight, I felt so old. Everything ached, I didn't have much energy, I even looked older. As I lost the weight and became addicted to my workouts, I felt younger again. I had energy to burn, I was happier, the saggy skin from my pregnancies started to snap back a bit. Staying active is what will help me feel young for years to come. Plus it helps prevent a lot of the chronic illnesses that come with age, the ones that make you feel older. The added energy makes me feel more playful too, which I'm sure makes me appear younger.
Prime example of this: my dad. He's almost 54. He's been an avid exerciser since high school and it shows. For the most part, he avoided weight gain that comes with age (he did gain a little) and most chronic health problems. Now, I do need to give a bit more background here. My incredibly active, healthy Dad who has a bit of a sweet tooth had a major heart attack about 3 years ago. He was actually mountain biking in the woods when it happened. So many people were shocked it happened to him and said that all that exercise apparently didn't help. He's quick to correct them though. Without all that exercise and conditioning he gave his heart, he never would have survived that heart attack. His heart could withstand the pounding it took because he trained it to do that. As it turned out, he had undiagnosed diabetes. Grandma had it but she was overweight. But it is genetic. Dad has his diabetes under control now and has not had any heart problems since his attack. He worked his way back up and is as active as ever. But he checks in regularly with a doctor now and listens to his body when it tells him to rest. Since it happened to my dad, I know it can happen to me, even if I stay in awesome shape (you know, once I get there again). But Dad's experience taught me two things: exercise can help me survive the things I can't avoid and to get regular check-ups. I'm planning on having a full physical soon because I want to be aware of potential problems. But back to Dad. He has tons of energy. He rarely gets sick. He's strong and active. Describing him as a 53 year old father of 4 and grandfather of 5 who survived a heart attack is misleading. He's goofy and mischievous and can pretty easily keep up with all his grandkids (shoot, he can outlast most of his kids and sons-in-law). I love my dad for a lot of reasons. But I am especially grateful for the lessons he's taught me concerning health and fitness. I know fitness and being proactive about my health are the best things I can do to keep myself healthy and feeling young. As Dad can tell you, feeling old doesn't have that much to do with age.
Keep sweating and act young! :)
Now I know I'm only 26 (27 in a few weeks). But while I was pregnant and shortly after when I was still overweight, I felt so old. Everything ached, I didn't have much energy, I even looked older. As I lost the weight and became addicted to my workouts, I felt younger again. I had energy to burn, I was happier, the saggy skin from my pregnancies started to snap back a bit. Staying active is what will help me feel young for years to come. Plus it helps prevent a lot of the chronic illnesses that come with age, the ones that make you feel older. The added energy makes me feel more playful too, which I'm sure makes me appear younger.
Prime example of this: my dad. He's almost 54. He's been an avid exerciser since high school and it shows. For the most part, he avoided weight gain that comes with age (he did gain a little) and most chronic health problems. Now, I do need to give a bit more background here. My incredibly active, healthy Dad who has a bit of a sweet tooth had a major heart attack about 3 years ago. He was actually mountain biking in the woods when it happened. So many people were shocked it happened to him and said that all that exercise apparently didn't help. He's quick to correct them though. Without all that exercise and conditioning he gave his heart, he never would have survived that heart attack. His heart could withstand the pounding it took because he trained it to do that. As it turned out, he had undiagnosed diabetes. Grandma had it but she was overweight. But it is genetic. Dad has his diabetes under control now and has not had any heart problems since his attack. He worked his way back up and is as active as ever. But he checks in regularly with a doctor now and listens to his body when it tells him to rest. Since it happened to my dad, I know it can happen to me, even if I stay in awesome shape (you know, once I get there again). But Dad's experience taught me two things: exercise can help me survive the things I can't avoid and to get regular check-ups. I'm planning on having a full physical soon because I want to be aware of potential problems. But back to Dad. He has tons of energy. He rarely gets sick. He's strong and active. Describing him as a 53 year old father of 4 and grandfather of 5 who survived a heart attack is misleading. He's goofy and mischievous and can pretty easily keep up with all his grandkids (shoot, he can outlast most of his kids and sons-in-law). I love my dad for a lot of reasons. But I am especially grateful for the lessons he's taught me concerning health and fitness. I know fitness and being proactive about my health are the best things I can do to keep myself healthy and feeling young. As Dad can tell you, feeling old doesn't have that much to do with age.
Keep sweating and act young! :)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
TurboFire!
To date, my exercise of choice has been Turbo Jam. It's an awesome workout (I burn more calories doing that than anything else) and I actually like doing it. I usually end a workout feeling both wiped and energized, not to mention dripping with sweat. Since I was so woefully out of shape at the end of my pregnancy, every workout for a while was a fight. I had to convince myself to do it and push myself to get through it. I was exhausted and sore by the end. But it started to change my body and I am now to the point that I get a second wind. Awesome! I would like the scale to move more quickly than it has been, but at least I can tell a difference in my fitness level and body. I know how much better I feel after a workout and it's become a habit again, so making myself start the workout is easier too.
But there's a new workout by the same trainer. It has the same great music but is even more intense and produces even better results in less time! It's called TurboFire and I am very impatiently waiting until I can order my copy. (I told DH I wanted it for my birthday. I'm now regretting that since my birthday is almost a month away. I tried to convince DH it would be an even better early birthday present so I could see results by my birthday but it's not in the budget. I will be getting it but we have to set aside some money from a few paychecks first. Boo on waiting. Patience is just not my strong suit.) I can't wait to get it and do it and see changes! Bring on the fire!
But there's a new workout by the same trainer. It has the same great music but is even more intense and produces even better results in less time! It's called TurboFire and I am very impatiently waiting until I can order my copy. (I told DH I wanted it for my birthday. I'm now regretting that since my birthday is almost a month away. I tried to convince DH it would be an even better early birthday present so I could see results by my birthday but it's not in the budget. I will be getting it but we have to set aside some money from a few paychecks first. Boo on waiting. Patience is just not my strong suit.) I can't wait to get it and do it and see changes! Bring on the fire!
Monday, June 28, 2010
"I am a work in progress"
I've had all kinds of ideas for posts swirling through my head. A few I want to address soon: exercise obsession, fitness as a focus while unemployed, motivation for working out.
Up today: body image. Before anything else, I want to say my daughters are the best thing to happen to me (except for maybe Steve, who was necessary to have my daughters). But being pregnant was easily the worst thing to happen to my body. I gained a lot of weight and was bigger than ever. Even worse, I was odd shaped. Since I am somewhat vain and want to look good, my self-esteem took a big hit with each pregnancy.
My daughters are definitely worth it. But I worried about the example I'd set for them. Moping about how bad I looked and how bad I felt about myself wouldn't be good for them. Up until I got pregnant with Ella, I was naturally thin. Even as I gained weight, I was proportional and had a pretty good figure. Gaining weight to the point I didn't recognize myself snapped me awake. Either I stayed that size or lost the weight. I want to make something clear right here: being thin does not equal happiness. If you're not happy with you when you're big, you won't be happy once you're thin. Something I learned as I lost weight and got into shape after Mia was that being fit and strong and taking care of yourself improves your body image. The stronger I got, the happier I was with my body and myself. I was proud of what I was accomplishing, and that was because I was getting fit, not because I was getting thin. I was surprised to find I liked strength training. It made me stronger and feel like I could do anything. Because I had to commit to working out to lose the weight, pregnancy was also one of the best things that happened to my body. I was happier and more proud of my body after I got fit following Mia's birth than I have ever been. More important to me than the number on the scale or even the size I wear is being strong and fit and regaining that feeling of accomplishment and pride. I am proud that I have my masters degree and that I finished it with a great GPA while having kids close in age, but in some respects I am even more proud of my weight loss and fitness gains during that time.
Yes, I want to get back to 145 and a size 8. But the thing I'm really craving is that sense of pride and well-being. I have heard from other people that being thin didn't make them happy. I believe it, because it's been true for me too. I remember being 128 in high school and still being self-conscious. I doubt I will weigh that little again, which is fine with me. I don't like my loose skin and stretch marks, but I wouldn't trade them for the lessons I learned along the way. Until I get back down to where I prefer to be, I'll repeat what became my mantra after Mia: "I am a work in progress." I would catch sight of myself in a mirror and immediately begin to berate myself. "Ugh, look at my thighs! And this horrible stomach! I look so gross." This is counter-productive. All it did was depress me. I had a hard time seeing beauty in the loose skin though. So I started cutting off my negative thoughts and saying "I am a work in progress." It served to remind me that this is temporary, as long as I decide it is. It was much more motivating and empowering than telling myself how ugly I felt. I get frustrated over being this big and heavy again. I told myself I wouldn't let myself get this big again. But I got pregnant and I did gain the weight (I'll address my weight gain while pregnant and why in another post). So rather than beat myself up for it, I need to just remind myself this is temporary again and work on changing the parts of my body that I can. I'm starting to see changes and I'm already fitting into clothes I couldn't before. I keep having to remind myself to focus on my progress and not how much farther I have left to go, because again, it's more productive. I'll get there, in time. I am definitely a work in progress, but the progress is the important part. :)
Up today: body image. Before anything else, I want to say my daughters are the best thing to happen to me (except for maybe Steve, who was necessary to have my daughters). But being pregnant was easily the worst thing to happen to my body. I gained a lot of weight and was bigger than ever. Even worse, I was odd shaped. Since I am somewhat vain and want to look good, my self-esteem took a big hit with each pregnancy.
My daughters are definitely worth it. But I worried about the example I'd set for them. Moping about how bad I looked and how bad I felt about myself wouldn't be good for them. Up until I got pregnant with Ella, I was naturally thin. Even as I gained weight, I was proportional and had a pretty good figure. Gaining weight to the point I didn't recognize myself snapped me awake. Either I stayed that size or lost the weight. I want to make something clear right here: being thin does not equal happiness. If you're not happy with you when you're big, you won't be happy once you're thin. Something I learned as I lost weight and got into shape after Mia was that being fit and strong and taking care of yourself improves your body image. The stronger I got, the happier I was with my body and myself. I was proud of what I was accomplishing, and that was because I was getting fit, not because I was getting thin. I was surprised to find I liked strength training. It made me stronger and feel like I could do anything. Because I had to commit to working out to lose the weight, pregnancy was also one of the best things that happened to my body. I was happier and more proud of my body after I got fit following Mia's birth than I have ever been. More important to me than the number on the scale or even the size I wear is being strong and fit and regaining that feeling of accomplishment and pride. I am proud that I have my masters degree and that I finished it with a great GPA while having kids close in age, but in some respects I am even more proud of my weight loss and fitness gains during that time.
Yes, I want to get back to 145 and a size 8. But the thing I'm really craving is that sense of pride and well-being. I have heard from other people that being thin didn't make them happy. I believe it, because it's been true for me too. I remember being 128 in high school and still being self-conscious. I doubt I will weigh that little again, which is fine with me. I don't like my loose skin and stretch marks, but I wouldn't trade them for the lessons I learned along the way. Until I get back down to where I prefer to be, I'll repeat what became my mantra after Mia: "I am a work in progress." I would catch sight of myself in a mirror and immediately begin to berate myself. "Ugh, look at my thighs! And this horrible stomach! I look so gross." This is counter-productive. All it did was depress me. I had a hard time seeing beauty in the loose skin though. So I started cutting off my negative thoughts and saying "I am a work in progress." It served to remind me that this is temporary, as long as I decide it is. It was much more motivating and empowering than telling myself how ugly I felt. I get frustrated over being this big and heavy again. I told myself I wouldn't let myself get this big again. But I got pregnant and I did gain the weight (I'll address my weight gain while pregnant and why in another post). So rather than beat myself up for it, I need to just remind myself this is temporary again and work on changing the parts of my body that I can. I'm starting to see changes and I'm already fitting into clothes I couldn't before. I keep having to remind myself to focus on my progress and not how much farther I have left to go, because again, it's more productive. I'll get there, in time. I am definitely a work in progress, but the progress is the important part. :)
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Frustrated
I am frustrated. I know I'm losing inches and toning up, but when is the scale going to reflect my hard work? Maybe I need to cut back to only weighing once a week...Steve would appreciate that...
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Harder the second time?
Losing weight after Mia wasn't easy, but it was simple. It's part of the reason I like calorie counting. Once I figured out my calorie range, it was pretty simple math. Track the calories coming in, exercise to burn calories. If there's a deficit from the amount you need to maintain your currnet weight, you lose weight. Drink plenty of water to help flush out extra sodium, which helps avoid big fluctuations from water weight. That's it. I did that last time and the weight came off steadily, usually about 2 lbs a week. It was simple, which made actually doing it easier. I knew if I followed the formula, the weight would come off.
This time it's been a bit more difficult. Part of the issue is figuring out the correct calorie range. At first I think I had it too low, which freaked out my body and caused it to hold on to all the calories I ate. So I increased my calories. But then I also increased my exercise, making my calories too low again. So I increased them again. About the same time I think my hormones leveled out (the evidence: my cycle started, my hair is falling out, my skin cleared up), which helped. Suddenly the scale is moving down (yay!). I'm not sure if it's slower this time or if I'm more impatient because I know how good I can look and feel and I realize how far I have left to get there. After Amelia, every lb lost was a victory, especially once I got below 166 (my pre-pregnancy weight with Ella). Every inch lost was better than I had looked since before I got pregnant with Ella. In other words, I started looking better than I had hoped was possible after kids. This time I know how good I can look and I'm frustrated with how long it takes to get there.
I also have to say that I'm scared the third time was too much for my body. What if it doesn't snap back as well this time? What if that extra half inch my belly stretched was it's breaking point and now my stomach will always be saggy? Really, other than eating healthy and exercising, there's not a lot I can do short of surgery. Guess I shouldn't worry about it, huh? But I do have this fear that even how I looked last summer is out of reach now. Hopefully this is an irrational belief. But man, pregnancy wreaks havoc on my body and messes with my body image even worse. At least I know being fit and strong helps my body image and my body. :) This post has been a good reminder for me to focus on the fitness and health aspects, including mental health, rather than being thin. See? This blog has been helpful to me already. Hope I can help someone else too!
This time it's been a bit more difficult. Part of the issue is figuring out the correct calorie range. At first I think I had it too low, which freaked out my body and caused it to hold on to all the calories I ate. So I increased my calories. But then I also increased my exercise, making my calories too low again. So I increased them again. About the same time I think my hormones leveled out (the evidence: my cycle started, my hair is falling out, my skin cleared up), which helped. Suddenly the scale is moving down (yay!). I'm not sure if it's slower this time or if I'm more impatient because I know how good I can look and feel and I realize how far I have left to get there. After Amelia, every lb lost was a victory, especially once I got below 166 (my pre-pregnancy weight with Ella). Every inch lost was better than I had looked since before I got pregnant with Ella. In other words, I started looking better than I had hoped was possible after kids. This time I know how good I can look and I'm frustrated with how long it takes to get there.
I also have to say that I'm scared the third time was too much for my body. What if it doesn't snap back as well this time? What if that extra half inch my belly stretched was it's breaking point and now my stomach will always be saggy? Really, other than eating healthy and exercising, there's not a lot I can do short of surgery. Guess I shouldn't worry about it, huh? But I do have this fear that even how I looked last summer is out of reach now. Hopefully this is an irrational belief. But man, pregnancy wreaks havoc on my body and messes with my body image even worse. At least I know being fit and strong helps my body image and my body. :) This post has been a good reminder for me to focus on the fitness and health aspects, including mental health, rather than being thin. See? This blog has been helpful to me already. Hope I can help someone else too!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Background
First things first. The last few years of my life have been very busy. I've been married less than five years. In that time, I began and finished my masters degree, had three daughters (and no, no twins in there), gained and lost a lot of weight (luckily the only gains were while pregnant), bought a house and a minivan, and a whole lot of smaller things. It's been crazy. My other blog is about life with three tiny daughters. Since I'm back to losing baby weight, I decided it was time to start a separate blog about that so it doesn't take over my other blog.
The title is self-explanatory. I have had three kids and had to lose the baby weight three times. This time around my baby is 10.5 weeks old and I'm only a few lbs into the loss (about 23 lbs down from the high of this pregnancy). I'm trying to be kind to myself and remember the 9 months on, 9 months off rule. My goal is to reach 145 (or maybe lower, we'll see) by January 9, 2011, when Nora is 9 months old.
So here's the story: I weighed 128-132 in high school. Good weight for my body type. Throughout college, I gained a little bit and weighed around 140, I think. Since I gained it evenly, I was pretty happy with my body then. After college, I got a desk job and ate a lot of fast food. By the time I got married 6 months later, I think I was just over 150. Since that was my highest weight ever, I was a bit depressed. I worked out a bit but didn't change my eating. By the time I had my BFP (big fat positive, as in pregnancy test) a few short months later, I weighed 166. I was not happy about that but knew I couldn't diet while pregnant. So I ate and didn't work out. I gained 50 lbs, ending at 216. I didn't recognize myself and it's painful to look at the pictures when I was that large. Luckily I dropped 23 lbs in the first few weeks postpartum, placing my weight at 193. I was happy to be below 200. I started working out at 2 weeks PP and really stepped it up in January (Ella would have been about 6 weeks old then). I started doing Turbo Jam (my favorite workout ever) and doing Herbalife. By June I reached 168 and plateaued. My weight settled at 170. Honestly, other than a few meal replacement shakes, I hadn't changed my eating habits at all, which is why my weight loss stalled.
Then in July, when Ella was 8 months old, I got pregnant again. Not on purpose. I was 170 at the beginning and gained much slower that time. But I gained quickly at the end again, bringing my total to 43 lbs gained and my end weight to 213. Again I dropped 23 lbs in the first few weeks PP, bringing my weight to 190. I worked out sporadically and didn't change my eating. As a result, I stayed at 190 until Amelia was about 4 months old. Then I saw a picture of myself and I got my new drivers license about the same time. I was horrified. I decided it was time to commit to my weight loss. I did some research and started counting calories. I started doing Turbo Jam a few days a week and built up to five. The weight started coming off steadily, about 2 lbs a week. I was thrilled! By January, I was about 150 and reached 145 by the end of the month. I started doing weight training that month and lost inches and toned up. I didn't lose much more weight (143 was my lowest) but I loved how I looked. My stomach still had some saggy skin and my thighs weren't tiny but I was cool with that. In all honesty, I looked better and was happier with my body than I had thought was possible. A huge part of it was how strong I felt. I enjoyed my workouts and maintained my loss for about 7 months. And then...
Once again in July, I got pregnant. I was 145 at that point and Mia was 15 months old. I wasn't real happy (once again, it wasn't planned) but I had big plans to stay active and control my gain. Then I got morning sickness and it all fell apart. Eating carbs kept the nausea at bay but made me gain weight like crazy. And TJ made my heart rate jump too high to keep doing it safely while pregnant. (Interestingly enough, my higher HR and increased calorie burn during WOs is what prompted me to test, to prove I wasn't pregnant. Joke was on me.) All the women in my family gain 40+ lbs with each pregnancy. I am no exception and seem to take it to new highs. This pregnancy I gained 60 (!!!!) lbs, meaning I ended at 205. Unfortunately, my body didn't drop the 23 lbs I was hoping for either. Instead, my body halted at 190, a mere 15 lb loss. I started working out and counting calories at 3 weeks PP, since my sister was getting married 9 weeks after Nora was born and the other bridesmaids were sizes 2, 4, and 6. My dress was a 16. The mental aspect is a funny thing. First my calories were too low, so I had to increase them. Then I increased my WOs and had to increase my calories again. And I barely lost anything. I did tone up a bit but only managed to lose about 5 lbs and my weight kept jumping back up to the high 180's. After the wedding, I let go of my unrealistic expectations and decided 9 mos on, 9 mos off. And I've lost another few lbs, staying below 185 now. (Of course, my cycle has returned, so maybe my hormones leveling out had an effect too.) I bought a green purse as my reward for reaching 180. I'm hoping I'll get to open it by the end of this week. I'm currently at 182.8.
So recap:
Highest weight ever and BFP at 166
Gained 50 lbs.
Lost 48 lbs.
Regained 45 lbs (43 of which was pregnancy weight).
Lost 70 lbs for a new low of 143.
Regained 62 (60 was pregnancy weight).
Lost 22 so far, with plans to lose the remaining 40.
Which means in the past 4 years, I have gained 157 lbs and lost 140. My poor body! Thank God my child-bearing years are over!
Now to continue on the journey...
The title is self-explanatory. I have had three kids and had to lose the baby weight three times. This time around my baby is 10.5 weeks old and I'm only a few lbs into the loss (about 23 lbs down from the high of this pregnancy). I'm trying to be kind to myself and remember the 9 months on, 9 months off rule. My goal is to reach 145 (or maybe lower, we'll see) by January 9, 2011, when Nora is 9 months old.
So here's the story: I weighed 128-132 in high school. Good weight for my body type. Throughout college, I gained a little bit and weighed around 140, I think. Since I gained it evenly, I was pretty happy with my body then. After college, I got a desk job and ate a lot of fast food. By the time I got married 6 months later, I think I was just over 150. Since that was my highest weight ever, I was a bit depressed. I worked out a bit but didn't change my eating. By the time I had my BFP (big fat positive, as in pregnancy test) a few short months later, I weighed 166. I was not happy about that but knew I couldn't diet while pregnant. So I ate and didn't work out. I gained 50 lbs, ending at 216. I didn't recognize myself and it's painful to look at the pictures when I was that large. Luckily I dropped 23 lbs in the first few weeks postpartum, placing my weight at 193. I was happy to be below 200. I started working out at 2 weeks PP and really stepped it up in January (Ella would have been about 6 weeks old then). I started doing Turbo Jam (my favorite workout ever) and doing Herbalife. By June I reached 168 and plateaued. My weight settled at 170. Honestly, other than a few meal replacement shakes, I hadn't changed my eating habits at all, which is why my weight loss stalled.
Then in July, when Ella was 8 months old, I got pregnant again. Not on purpose. I was 170 at the beginning and gained much slower that time. But I gained quickly at the end again, bringing my total to 43 lbs gained and my end weight to 213. Again I dropped 23 lbs in the first few weeks PP, bringing my weight to 190. I worked out sporadically and didn't change my eating. As a result, I stayed at 190 until Amelia was about 4 months old. Then I saw a picture of myself and I got my new drivers license about the same time. I was horrified. I decided it was time to commit to my weight loss. I did some research and started counting calories. I started doing Turbo Jam a few days a week and built up to five. The weight started coming off steadily, about 2 lbs a week. I was thrilled! By January, I was about 150 and reached 145 by the end of the month. I started doing weight training that month and lost inches and toned up. I didn't lose much more weight (143 was my lowest) but I loved how I looked. My stomach still had some saggy skin and my thighs weren't tiny but I was cool with that. In all honesty, I looked better and was happier with my body than I had thought was possible. A huge part of it was how strong I felt. I enjoyed my workouts and maintained my loss for about 7 months. And then...
Once again in July, I got pregnant. I was 145 at that point and Mia was 15 months old. I wasn't real happy (once again, it wasn't planned) but I had big plans to stay active and control my gain. Then I got morning sickness and it all fell apart. Eating carbs kept the nausea at bay but made me gain weight like crazy. And TJ made my heart rate jump too high to keep doing it safely while pregnant. (Interestingly enough, my higher HR and increased calorie burn during WOs is what prompted me to test, to prove I wasn't pregnant. Joke was on me.) All the women in my family gain 40+ lbs with each pregnancy. I am no exception and seem to take it to new highs. This pregnancy I gained 60 (!!!!) lbs, meaning I ended at 205. Unfortunately, my body didn't drop the 23 lbs I was hoping for either. Instead, my body halted at 190, a mere 15 lb loss. I started working out and counting calories at 3 weeks PP, since my sister was getting married 9 weeks after Nora was born and the other bridesmaids were sizes 2, 4, and 6. My dress was a 16. The mental aspect is a funny thing. First my calories were too low, so I had to increase them. Then I increased my WOs and had to increase my calories again. And I barely lost anything. I did tone up a bit but only managed to lose about 5 lbs and my weight kept jumping back up to the high 180's. After the wedding, I let go of my unrealistic expectations and decided 9 mos on, 9 mos off. And I've lost another few lbs, staying below 185 now. (Of course, my cycle has returned, so maybe my hormones leveling out had an effect too.) I bought a green purse as my reward for reaching 180. I'm hoping I'll get to open it by the end of this week. I'm currently at 182.8.
So recap:
Highest weight ever and BFP at 166
Gained 50 lbs.
Lost 48 lbs.
Regained 45 lbs (43 of which was pregnancy weight).
Lost 70 lbs for a new low of 143.
Regained 62 (60 was pregnancy weight).
Lost 22 so far, with plans to lose the remaining 40.
Which means in the past 4 years, I have gained 157 lbs and lost 140. My poor body! Thank God my child-bearing years are over!
Now to continue on the journey...
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